Umm, hi, hello there, you're beautiful

You know you’re best friends with someone when they bring out a whistle and you both immediately think “Hi Kari Kari, Tai Tai”

pizzaforpresident:

I went to a party once and everyone was supposed to pitch in some money to buy adderall. I had never tried or even heard of it but I was young and stupid so I gave them 20 bucks. Later on, after we all took it, everybody was going crazy and having a good time and I was just sitting on the couch quietly so I googled ‘adderall’ on my phone and learned that it’s used to treat ADHD.

I have ADHD.

I paid 20 dollars to calm down.

itallwentbarmy:

jeffersonthemadhatter:

dutdutgoose:

whathasbeenlost:

zelda fans who get upset at fans who think link’s name is zelda

i’m pretty sure you’re not the first fandom to feel that way

frankenstein 

To be fair though Frankenstein is a very monstery name

#i bet if his name was victor smith he wouldnt have these problems

#if he didn’t insist on creating artificial life from odds and ends of corpses he also wouldn’t have these problems

(Source: canuupls)

rneerkat:

spamanos:

rneerkat:

what did the squirrel say to his waitress

squirrels dont fucking talk you piece of shit

why would he say that to his waitress she would obviously know he was being dishonest

buck-barnes:

i wish there was a non-assholeish way to say “our friendship has run it’s course, you make me uncomfortable with your feelings and a lot of shit you do pisses me off bye”

(Source: joan-watson)

I really just want to win the lottery so I won’t have to worry about money, and instead I can learn stuff that will help me in every day life, like taking a massage course, so I can help friends and whatnot, learn how to give manicures and pedicures, just pampering shit because you know what, it’s fuckin awesome

kyleehenke:

Oh my god my mom brought me an iced coffee when she picked me up from strength training and i was drinking it really fast cause i was so hot and sweaty but then we hit a bump in the road and it spilled aLL DOWN MY CLEAVAGE BUT IT FELT INCREDIBLE SO I MADE THIS LOUD SEXUAL MOAN AND MY MOM ALMOST CRASHED

freakforreal asked: my brothers and I (with the help of my dad) built a pretty impressive snow fort once when we were younger. It had a slide and everything. Anywho, we had this rule that if someone was in the fort you couldn't use the slide in case the fort collapsed. Well, I was sitting in it and my little brother decided to use the slide. The thing collapsed on me and my older brother had to dig me out.

Oh gosh, I’m glad you’re okay, though that sounds like a huge blast!

keiumi:

IT’S SLEEPOVER FRIDAY Y’ALL

send me:

- stories about your crush/better half/whatever

- embarassing stories

- truths or dares

- just stories in general

it’s like a fifth grade sleepover, anything goes ok

(Source: amysdead)

blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST